S1E3: The Messiness of the Voice
Here we are picking up for Episode 3 and I start with a deep reflection on the content of E1 and E2. Remember, I’m being experimentally goofy here!
For E1, I focused on building a map to identify a message of value. Re-reading it, I recognize the them is writing the message I need to here. Quiet an esoteric realization.
For E2 - this was ALL over the place. A true stream of consciousness. A revelation that I do have a lot to say but it will take some time to refine how. But, as I re-read it, I guarantee you that even that practice has strengthened by voice. It was a moment to sit with: “Who do I think I am?!?” And then responding, “A baddie.”
For E3, I want to delve into the messiness of understanding and expressing your voice.
The practice of sharing it is the muscle you need to build
What does it feel like when you have NOT expressed what you need to say?
In the body, it may feel like tension
In the belly, it may feel like a twisted gut.
In your face, its may be stiff muscles.
And in your mind, especially right before you go to sleep, its like an intense tornado, hurricane, tsunami, earth quake - or any natural energy force that lingers with no real way out. It could be rage. It could be dread. But whatever it is, it does not make you feel good.
A pause for a chuckle on that last elaborate bullet point. Anywho…
If you had the opportunity to assert your voice in the situation that’s making you spin, chances would be able to control your restless mind. Even if you can give yourself credit for standing on your truth, even if it was miniscule, that small moment literally opens you up for a lot more power.
So, let’s identify the triggers of having a mental spin out moment:
Some common culprits for me include:
Being forced to undergo unclear processes (i.e. paperwork) that takes information, time, and money to process. If this causes me to feel like I don’t know what’s going on, that will get me into a spin cycle of frustration.
Conversations or exchanges where I feel unheard / a sense of injustice and as a result, I begin to mentally bloating with things that I think should have been said or acknowledged. The emphasis on me and what I said or didn’t say, making me feel like an idiot.
Not engaging in a situation and feeling that somehow, makes me feel guilty, like a volunteer event that went wrong. This stems from the the idea that if its something I care about, I should be doing more and because I’m not, I’m left with heavy guilt and or sad energy.
The things above for me have been incredibly common place because I grew up with a habit of not understanding why I do the things I do. This lack of understanding is attributed to 1) my youth and 2) my lack of self-awareness. But, I’m much wiser today and know that the above is much better managed because I know who I am and what I need to be good.
Look community, there will come a time where you are obligated to sit with the unknown. This means you are about to face a laundry list of life decisions because you are realizing that the world is not your oyster like that. Aware of your mortality, you actually have to plan your riches.
At face value, when you start, it will feel disempowering because you may have conflicting voices - the old version you must relinquish and the new one trying to take over your psyche.
Imagine navigating a new and truly unknown life chapter, typically in your 30s where you are “kinda” growned up, without knowing what you care about, what lifestyle makes you feel strong, and which people make you feel safe. Or on the flip side, entering it with fear energy full of rigid all-or-nothing thinking, obsessive behaviors, and a myopic way of seeing success.
I can speak retroactively on the above - it makes me cackle in its absurdity. But if anything stays with you:
You must equip yourself with the tools to get to the destination you want. PERIODT.
Your #1 compass is your voice. It’s your currency. It’s your main source of protection.
The practice of liberating your voice means you have to start standing on business. What do you really care about?
Go deep.
Here is an example to illustrate the idea:
Think about your personal habits on social media. What do you truly enjoy? What do you like and comment on. What do you co-sign as true?
To check if you are standing on business, ask yourself: “Do others know about your affirmations?” If you realize that most people do not know the version of you that is most opinionated, playful, humorous, and joke-ful, TAN TAN TAN! Congratulations. You have just discovered you have a disconnect between what you like and the life you are living.
Respectfully, don’t let that land as heavy even though it may require you to take a deep breath. Step one is embrace it because 1) you’ve discovered the gap and 2) you have an incredible opportunity to bridge it - and do so in your favor.
Backing up your likes and opinions also comes with an opening - people can come for you with much critique. If you haven’t realized this, go to any social media page and see the good and nasty in the comments section. The point of expressing yourself is not to open yourself up for judgement (that will inevitably come). It is to life your life freely knowing that others will judge you and nonetheless, you will stand on your business on being happy.
I impress: You have to transmute the idea that your voice and most ideal version of yourself isn’t valuable. It is needed. You need YOU. At its core, if you know you are in a gap, you must equip yourself with a practice to manage thoughts that can spin you out of your peace. While routing unchanneled emotions that make you feel dense.
Figure out your “how” of making your voice plump.
This will be an experimental process.
You will think you believe certain things until expressing it and having the first person question you. You may feel a lot of uncomfortable emotions but know that its their way of saying, refine what you have expressed so that it captures your truth more wholly.
Practice a value for a season. Let’s say you want to care about exercise. But, to get started, its important for it to be rigorous exercise. Ok. Cool - pick running, or boxing, or spinning. Practice it for a few weeks. If you realize that’s not want you meant, that that form of exercise is not bring you happiness, maybe its more about the art of moving your body to get a good sweat. In your next go around of exploration, try dancing or hiking.
You may pause in between strategies and get nasty people questioning your commitment. “I thought you said…” “Why did you stop…” Let them. When I get a bored person who has the energy to critique me, I chuckle and affirm I’m still finding my way. I can do that because I’m focused on building my life > others opinions of my process.
That takes courage.
In this example of experimentation, the adventuring of finding your activity will be rooted in other factors linked to physical activity such as:
Dressing a certain way
Doing it solo or in a social setting
Minimal overhead or special equipment activity
Doable at home or not
To know you care about body exercise, that is the umbrella truth. You have to do the work of refining it so that when you come to the ultimate expression of that, you will feel the strength in your voice and bridge thoughts into practice.
The messiness is experimenting and re-drafting what you want to be real for you.
Edit. Delete. Disclaim. Add clauses. It doesn’t matter how you get to your voice if you know its a process that takes time and real, and often time uncomfortable, experiences.
This is why I chuckled at S1S2. That was a mess. But one that re-affirmed, I have a lot to say.
And so do you.